We all get that shaky feeling sometimes – the pounding heart, the sweaty palms, the "I can't do this" loop playing in our heads. Whether it's a job interview, a presentation, or even trying something new, feeling held back by self-doubt is completely normal. But have you ever stopped to think about what confidence really means?

Spoiler alert: It's not always about being the loudest person in the room! In fact, that sometimes signals the complete opposite.

Fake Confidence vs. Real Confidence

Let's talk about bravado – that exaggerated swagger that's often meant to impress. It hides insecurity and relies on external approval instead of focusing on building genuine confidence. Think of the stereotypical movie jerk who makes a lot of noise meant to cover up how unsure they really feel.

Then there's the "fake it till you make it" approach. This can be dangerous. Pretending to be something that one is not is like building a grand structure on a shaky foundation. True confidence comes from within, and it radiates outward. People connect with what's real, not with a carefully constructed facade.

Confidence Myths: Time to Debunk 'Em!

Myth #1

You're either born confident or you aren't. While personality plays a role, confidence is more about nurture than nature. Growing up in a supportive environment helps, but really, confidence is a muscle. The more you work on it, the stronger it gets.

Myth #2

It's all or nothing. Confidence lives on a spectrum! You can be a social butterfly and still break out in a sweat when presenting at work. Fluctuations are natural, and it doesn't mean your confidence has vanished.

Myth #3

Confident people never feel fear. Nope! Fear is human. What sets confident people apart isn't fearlessness, it's acknowledging the fear and pushing through it anyway. Think of it as saying, "This is scary, but I'm going for it!"

Confidence Isn't One-Size-Fits-All

Adele and Sara Blakely's examples provide a powerful lesson about confidence. It's easy to assume that incredible performers like Adele are fearless and that successful entrepreneurs like Sara Blakely have banished all self-doubt. However, the reality is that even these powerhouse women struggle with stage fright and imposter syndrome, respectively. This demonstrates that confidence isn't about the absence of fear or doubt, but rather about managing those feelings and pushing through them. Adele's confidence comes from practising, preparing, and developing strategies to perform despite her anxiety, while Sara Blakely's confidence is seen in her continued growth and innovation despite feelings of self-doubt.

Ultimately, confidence is best understood as a combination of resilience, an action-oriented mindset, and a foundation of competence. Confident individuals acknowledge their fears and doubts but refuse to let them hold them back. They take action, learn along the way, and build on their past successes, trusting in their ability to handle challenges and continuously grow. Confidence is an active process, not a passive state, and these examples remind us that we all have the potential to build it within ourselves.

Self-Belief - The Bedrock of Confidence

Think of self-belief as your inner cheerleader, the unwavering voice that tells you, "I've got this, I'm worthy." It's not just about believing in your abilities to do things, but also about the fundamental belief that you are deserving of success, happiness, and respect. This core belief acts as the foundation for all other types of confidence. When you know you are worthy, the possibilities start to feel limitless.

Self-Efficacy - Confidence in Action

Self-efficacy is a more targeted form of confidence. It's that conviction that you can master a specific task or accomplish a particular goal, the "I can nail this presentation!" type of mindset. Self-efficacy is deeply rooted in your experiences: past successes, skills you've developed, and how you've overcome challenges.

The Intertwine Between Self-Belief & Self-Efficacy

Here's where the magic happens:

Solid Self-Belief = Fertile Ground: When you believe in your inherent worth, you're more likely to take on challenges. You inherently trust that even if you stumble, you're resilient enough to get back up.

Self-Efficacy Fuels Action: As you believe you can succeed at specific tasks, you're more willing to try. The more you try, the more opportunities you create to gain experience and hone your skills.

Little Victories Feed the Foundation: Every time you face a fear, nail that presentation, or master a new skill, you're building evidence for your brain that you CAN do it. This strengthens your self-belief even further.

And on and on it goes! Each cycle reinforces the other, creating an upward spiral of self-assurance. This doesn't mean you'll always feel 100% confident, but it means that the bedrock of belief in yourself allows you to bounce back from setbacks and keep pushing forward. 

Your Actionable Guide to Building Real Confidence

Let's be honest, those "get confident quick" tricks are often just fluff. Real, lasting confidence is something you build over time – like a muscle. It's time to roll up your sleeves and get to work!

Tip 1: Power Up Your Foundation with Your Strengths

Think about constructing a beautiful, sturdy house. You wouldn't start with flimsy materials and no plans, right? The same goes for confidence. Your strengths are like those premium building blocks and a reliable blueprint. Here's why understanding them is so crucial:

Natural Talents: The Core of You

1. Inherent Value
   When you tap into your natural talents, you're working with what you're already good at. This means you'll see progress faster, which builds intrinsic belief in your abilities.

2. Sense of Purpose
   Using your talents often feels joyful and fulfilling. This creates positive associations with taking action, fueling your motivation to keep going.

3. The "Easier" Path
   Let's be real, it's easier to be confident when you're doing something you're naturally inclined towards versus forcing yourself to be good at something that feels like a constant struggle.

Tip 2: Your Confidence Needs a Challenge

Think of your comfort zone like that same old workout routine. Sure, it's easy, but are you going to build muscle just repeating what you already know? Nope! Confidence works the same way. To see growth, you gotta challenge yourself.

Here's how those little "stretch" activities build bigger bravery:

1. Chef for a Night
   The "I can try" Win Even if the recipe's a bit of a flop, the act of trying something new proves you can step into the unknown. That builds belief in your ability to handle the unexpected.
2. Coffee Connection
   Asking someone out (even as friends!) takes a bit of courage. Whether they say yes or no, you've practiced taking a social risk which makes similar actions seem less scary next time.
3. Beginner's Mind
   Learning = Growth Signing up for a class is like admitting you don't know everything. That vulnerability is huge! It shows you're open to learning, which is a key trait of confident people.

Tip 3: Turn Setbacks into Stepping Stones

Everyone stumbles. Confident people aren't immune to mistakes. They learn from them. When things don't go as planned, shift your focus:

1. Growth Mindset
   What can you do differently next time?
2. Skills Check
   Is there something you need to practice more?
3. Find the Silver Lining
   Even in a mess-up, what DID you do well?

Tip 4: Your Inner Cheerleader Needs an Upgrade

Would you tell your best friend they're worthless when they make a mistake? I'm sure you won't! Stop the harsh self-talk and try this:

1. Friend Mode
   How would you support a friend in your shoes? Use that on yourself!
2. Positive Power-Ups
   "I'm capable of learning," or "I get better every day" can shift your outlook.

Your Confidence Action Plan

Okay, I know we covered a lot of ground today with building confidence. Maybe you're super excited and ready to tackle everything, or maybe it's a bit overwhelming. That's totally normal! Let's bring it down a notch.

Here's my challenge to you:

1. Review the Tips
   Think back to the steps we covered: knowing your strengths, getting comfortable with discomfort, reframing failure, and upgrading your self-talk. Which one stands out to you? Is there one you're especially curious to try?
2. Start Simple
   Don't try to change everything overnight! Pick ONE little action you can take this week to work on that chosen skill. Maybe it's jotting down 3 strengths, trying a new recipe, or replacing a negative thought with something more positive.

Remember...
Building confidence is a journey, not a sprint. Be kind to yourself, celebrate those small wins, and keep showing up for yourself. I'm here cheering you on!

All my best,